Convenience can be the enemy of relationship building

Within the United States we often hold convenience up as a virtue unto itself. What is intended to make our lives easier, however, can actually consume some of our best opportunities to build relationships in subtle ways.

Example 1: A young married couple with one car coordinates their schedules to get each other to school, work, and other commitments. While it may be a bit 'inconvenient' to have only one car, working together to find solutions to their transportation challenges brings them together as a couple. They spend more time with each other and are more involved in each other's lives.

Example 2: Parents hire a nanny to take care of their children. While this may give them more time for career, personal development, or other pursuits, it will rob them of the simple moments that build relationships: making breakfast, tying shoes, wiping runny noses, teaching children how to pick a good apple at the grocery store, etc. It is in the daily routine that we grow together. It is also in the daily routine that we catch those unexpected moments of great joy and humor.

Example 3: A family plants a garden to grow vegetables. It will require watering, weeding, and nurturing for months before they will be able to eat the food. They could just run to the grocery store and buy those same foods at less expense and at greater convenience, but their choice to cultivate a garden will provide opportunities for all to learn the law of the harvest and the value of work. They will also be able to enjoy the delicious fruits of their labor and deepen their connection to the rest of creation.

Modern day conveniences have certainly provided some great opportunities and simplified our lives in terrific ways. Being perceptive about the consequences of each convenience decision helps us to be wise in what time saving technologies we allow into out lives.

Blame and responsibility

The following NY Times video discusses how Pakistani musicians blame the West for Pakistan's problems.

http://video.nytimes.com/video/2009/11/11/world/1247465633296/tuning-out-the-taliban.html?ref=world

Blaming a scapegoat is a common way to avoid the real work. You see the same thing happening in the U.S. with the right blaming "the liberals" for America's problems or vice versa. Focusing on the true problems and recognizing that you may be contributing to them is the work that few dare to tackle. People frequently blame the 'crooks in Washington' for America's political problems. It is we the people who elected those 'crooks.' Our complaints with their behavior can be traced to deeper systemic problems within our society. We need to be better citizens. A more responsible practice of citizenship will do more than blame or complain. It will start by reflecting at the individual level to see that one's own behavior meets the standards that democracy requires. From there, one's labors should emanate to one's family and community. One will seek to positively contribute to these units by being educated, involved, and aware. One must also espouse the virtues of integrity, hard work, and charity. Building the foundation of a strong nation must start with our own stone.

Thomas Friedman expresses his concern about the current state of governance in the U.S. and what the solution must be.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/11/22/friedman-worries-about-am_n_366648.html

Be yourself

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

I owe a great amount of my personal happiness and success to listening to myself and then embracing the path onto which it guides me. The forces of socio-cultural influence bear down with incredible strength upon our will. But our internal compass may often require us to negotiate the tension we feel vis-a-vis our external system and choose against the demands of that context. A commitment to humility and truth will serve as dependable guides in this process.

Clinging to a false belief

"We persist in the belief--against our religious tradition, and in the face of much evidence to the contrary--that if we leave our children wealthy we will assure their happiness." (Wendell Berry, "A Continuous Harmony", 1972, pp. 126)

Nurture

We can easily be deceived by the illusion of control. To understand the principle of agency we must develop the wisdom to perceive what is an appropriate use of our effort. The modern world has made this especially difficult because we are surrounded by machines that are built to do exactly as we command them (and even they frequently malfunction). We cannot control our relationships or other people. Whether it be our relationship to the earth, the elements, our neighbors, our friends, our family, or our God, it is through respect, patience, care, gratitude, and believing that we nourish our association. The use of agency is an act of faith essential to creation. Ugui, the Kung Fu master from the movie "Kung Fu Panda," teaches this principle to his student Shifu.

Ugui: Look at this tree, Shifu. (Indicates the Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom) I cannot make it blossom when it suits me, nor make it bear fruit before its time.

Shifu: But there are things we can control! (Slams a fist into the tree, making several peaches fall) I can control when the fruit will fall! (A peach then hits him on the head, unnerving him, then he catches a peach, cuts it in half, takes the pit and slams it into the ground) And I can control where to plant the seed! That is no illusion, Master!

Ugui: Ah, yes. But no matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.

Shifu: But a peach cannot defeat Tai Lung!

Ugui: Maybe it can - if you are willing to guide it, to nurture it, to believe in it. (Covers the seed with dirt, thus beginning its growth.)

Shifu: I need your help, Master.

Ugui: No. You just need to believe. Promise me, Shifu. Promise me you will believe.

Shifu: I...I will...try.

Humility

Humility is the path of happiness. We cannot see ourselves and our relationship to creation in true clarity unless we recognize our dependence upon and interconnectedness with the whole. Divisions between a man and his brothers replace harmony with self-justification and pride, while empathy is stifled by independence. Those who follow Jesus Christ's injunction to become as a little child liberate themselves from the self-concern and an obsession for control that inhibits their freedom to give and receive love.

Thoreau on riches

"The rich man...is always sold to the institution which makes him rich."

-Henry David Thoreau

(in "Civil Disobedience")